RED CARPET MIDDLE FINGER
A Song About Middle Finger History, and the Berks County Eastern Regional Police Department's Greatest Achievement
By Universal Mic | Release Date: October 28, 2026
Some songs are born from heartbreak. Some from joy. Some from the kind of absurdity that only real life can produce. Red Carpet Middle Finger was born on a cold winter night when the heat went out — and a July 4th afternoon when the police showed up to investigate a finger that never moved.
This one is for the record books.
The Inspiration
It started in the dead of winter. My neighbor cut off my heat on a night that dropped to 16 degrees. When I reported it to the Berks County Eastern Regional Police Department — B.E.R.P.D. — they dragged their feet for weeks then called me in for an hours-long interview about the incident. They made promises they did not keep and my neighbor only received a five-minute phone call. Case closed.
Then came July 4th — Independence Day — appropriately enough.
My neighbor with the thermostat of doom, apparently dialed 911 to report that I had given his wife the middle finger. An imaginary middle finger that existed solely in Brian's imagination and possibly in his prayers. B.E.R.P.D. responded within minutes. MINUTES. To investigate a hand gesture that never happened; In what I can only describe as a landmark moment in American law enforcement history — Middle Finger History was made in Berks County, Pennsylvania on the birthday of this great nation.
The Berks Eastern Regional Police Department. B.E.R.P.D.
"THE MIDDLE FINGER POLICE!!"
You truly cannot make this up. Universal Mic didn't have to.
The Song
Red Carpet Middle Finger is a comedic blues anthem about selective justice, imaginary crimes, and the kind of institutional irony that writes itself. It is the official soundtrack of every person who ever watched authorities sprint toward nonsense while walking slowly toward something that actually mattered.
It is also the first song in recorded history to immortalize B.E.R.P.D. on Spotify.
We hope they add it to their patrol playlist.
A Message to Brian
Brian — the cameras don't lie. They never did. They were rolling in winter when the temperature dropped to 16 degrees. They were rolling on July 4th when your complaint arrived before the fireworks did.
History is a funny thing, Brian.
You wanted a reaction.
You got a song